Remembering with Hope
by John Jerome and Betsy Gilbert
Chapter 21 - “The Drifter”
Book: “Remembering With Hope”
Excerpts from Chapter 21
" I want to help you with WOCHA! I will pay for it"
"I cannot help you with WOCHA, two spirits on the subway told me not to."
The last straw was when he woke me at 3 am, with this remark, “I called the police because you would not give me the password to Go Daddy; they are on the way.” (Actual police report is available at the station)
After the police leave, and at my insistence, he moves out with all his possessions in seven black plastic trash bags. He leaves all his personal documents and a large box of pictures of his past. I leave him a message about it.
“Shred all my documents. I don’t want memories. I am moving on”
“Destroy all my personal pictures, I don’t want a past. I want peace”
“I don’t want to be an actor. I don’t want to be fake. I want to dye my hair more blond”
Christmas morning, I get a voice mail from him “I have an emergency. I have to leave the country. I cannot call anyone! I cannot meet anyone. I have to cancel everything.”
I have not heard from Lorne since. I always thought I was a drama queen until I met him. I learned a lot about myself and mental/emotional cruelty.
**********
“I am Jewish”
“I am Christian and believe in Jesus I am studying the Course in Miracles.”
“I want to be a movie actor. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call someone and I can quit my job and be an actor.”
“I want to be a dancer. I cannot come home after work, as I am taking ballroom dance lessons, so don’t expect me until midnight.”
”You are going to start drinking again, like before. You will always be a drunk.”
”I hate my job, so I can’t tell you where I work.
“You cannot meet any of my friends, they all live out of town.”
“You cannot meet my family or friends because I am ashamed of you.”
“Nothing you do helps my acting career; it all fails. I want to move out.”
My brother died, and I was having a very hard time with it. I called him on his cell and asked him to come home after work. He said, “I have a dance class.”
His religious tendencies became more strange.
“I am a Buddhist.”
“I want to be a Hari Krishna”
“I cannot kiss you anymore. You have herpes.” (I don't have herpes)
“I want to be celibate.”
“Eastern European girls are young, attractive, have nice eyes and blond hair, like me. You hair is falling out.”
“I am still working my regular job after 6 months with you; you are not helping me.”
“I saw your driver’s license, you are old! You are 50? I deserve someone young like me, I want to move on”
“I threw the bar stool to get your attention.”
After I had been out of prison for a while, I met the drifter at Barnes and Noble. His name was Lorne He was younger than me, handsome in an unusual sort of way. We had a first date, which went well. I told him about my past, but he still liked me. He told me all about himself, his crummy apartment in Brooklyn. He was a ballroom dancer, with a gorgeous body. He wanted to start a new career as an actor, and he thought I could help him. I fell in love right away. He was wonderful.
Within a few weeks, in spite of my friends' misgivings, I had invited him to live with me, and was spending a lot of time trying to use what little connections I had left to get him work.
This was not easy. He had a strong foreign accent, very little training, and a passive-aggressive streak that became more obvious with each passing day.
I was planning publicity stunts, building websites, and building his ego.
As time passed, our physical relationship became ever more distant, and his treatment of me became ever more abusive. My response was to blame myself, and to work even harder to make him like me.
I relapsed into the same kind of behavior that got me into trouble before.
I kept a written record of some of the things Lorne said to me. Here’s a sample:
“I love you. I want to live with you.”
“If you don’t help me with my career, I am moving out.” (This, 4 days after he moved in)
“I have moved 6 times in the past 5 years.”
“I hate Brooklyn. It is depressing. I want to live in New York.”
“I love Manhattan.”
“I hate Manhattan.”
“I love Brooklyn. I want to live there.”
